Where Does Love Start? Head? Or Heart?
In preparing material for the Sanctified Sexuality Seminar recently, I am once again amazed at how God made us…well, amazingly! His design of our bodies, our emotions, our brains are all very sexual. Our sexual design isn’t the most important part of us, but it is one of the most important parts. In fact, Paul stated as much in Ephesians.
“For we are members of His body, of His flesh, of His bones. FOR THIS CAUSE shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined to his wife, and they shall become ONE FLESH. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church” (Eph. 5:30-32).
The act of a man and woman having sexual intercourse within the blessing of marriage is a MYSTERY THAT POINTS TO CHRIST AND THE CHURCH. He left His Father to be joined to His bride by becoming Man. God forever changed His form for us. That is the greatest love story. Just think: Every time you and your husband have intercourse, you are prophetically pointing to Christ and His bride becoming one in spirit and our eventual reunion with Him at His return.
It Only Takes 34 Minutes!
Scientists are discovering the science of love, which reveals to the believer the uniqueness God gave humans for love and sexual intimacy. In fact, He put chemicals in us to GUARANTEE we fall in love. And He designed us to be faithful to one partner and grow even closer as the years go by. Unfortunately, many mistake the FIRST STAGE of falling “in love” as true love and when that “wears off,” which it will, they THINK they have fallen out of love.
Psychologists have pinned down how long it takes to be attracted to another person. It takes between 90 seconds and 4 minutes to decide if you are attracted to someone. And it isn’t by what they say. Body language, tone and speed of their voice, and what they say all play a part (not to mention the other factors that are too numerous to discuss in this post).
Professor Arthur Arun has been studying the science behind people falling in love. He has narrowed it down to three ingredients:
- Find a complete stranger.
- Reveal intimate details about your life for 30 minutes.
- Stare deeply into each other’s eyes for another 4 minutes.
He did this exact thing in an experiment. After 34 minutes, many of the couples felt strongly attracted to one another even though they had never met. Two got married. IT IS POSSIBLE TO FALL IN LOVE IN 34 MINUTES!
The Stages of Love
Helen Fisher, a “love expert,” of Rutgers University concluded there are three stages of love driven by different CHEMICALS and HORMONES released by the brain and body.
- Stage 1: Desire. This stage is the most sexual in nature. It is the physical attraction driven by the sex hormones of testosterone and estrogen. For the believer, this can be the most difficult stage due to the escalated sex drive. But God knew that we must be physically attracted to each other or no one would ever get married and procreate.
- Stage 2: Attraction. This is the LOVE DRUNK stage. There are at least 3 main neurotransmitters involved at this point: 1) adrenaline; 2) dopamine; and 3) serotonin.
- Adrenaline is the stress response that makes you sweat, your heart race, and your mouth go dry when you see your new love.
- Dopamine is the “desire and reward” chemical that triggers an intense rush of pleasure exactly the same as cocaine! Brain scans reveal high levels of this neurotransmitter in newly in-love couples. Increased energy, little need for sleep, loss of appetite, and focused attention on the lover are signs of surging dopamine.
- Serotonin. This causes your new love to keep popping into your mind. In fact, Dr. Donatella Marazziti, an Italian psychiatrist, studied 20 in-love couples for less than 6 months and found they had the serotonin levels of OCD patients!
- Stage 3: Attachment. There are two major hormones involved in this stage: oxytocin and vasopressin.
- Oxytocin in released by men and women during orgasm. This is the only time men release oxytocin. Women release it during childbirth or simply giving someone a hug.
- Vasopressin is also released after sex.
- THE MORE SEX A COUPLE HAVE, THE DEEPER BONDED THEY BECOME! In a study on prairie voles (who have far more sex than is needed for reproduction), they found less vasopressin resulted in lost devotion to their partner.
Where Does Love Start?
Proverbs 5:18-19 (NKJV)
18 Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice with the wife of your youth.
19 As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love.
Fountain is a term used by the ancient writers to refer to the male organ. Notice the encouragement to rejoice in the wife of your YOUTH. This reveals that God’s will is for young lovers to remain lovers their entires lives and allow their bond to mature. The word “enraptured” literally means “intoxicated.”
Dopamine is the intoxicating agent of new love. Helen Fisher has discovered that couples married 20 years or more still had high levels of dopamine all those years later.
As you can see, love starts in the BRAIN. It continues in the BRAIN. And it can end with the BRAIN. I hope you realize that sex is your greatest weapon of protecting your marriage and that there are different stages of love that you can nurture. FAITHFULNESS IS BY CHOICE NOT CHANCE. Add to your love, God love or agape love, and you have a perfect recipe for growing old together!