What is NOT Okay in Bed?

One of the most common questions asked by Christian women is what is not okay in bed. It’s a legitimate question because we want to honor our husbands and honor God, and often husbands don’t worry as much about such things as we do.

Before going into what is NOT okay, let me tell you this: GOD GIVES US MUCH FREEDOM IN THE MARRIAGE BED. Hebrews 13:4 states that marriage is honorable (of high value) and the marriage bed is undefiled meaning that it isn’t soiled or polluted by sin. I believe Paul wrote this under inspiration of Holy Spirit because the Spirit knew a day would come when the church would view sexual intimacy as something wicked and sinful.

What God Prohibits

There are some things God absolutely prohibits in the marriage bed.

1. Fornication. This can include adultery, sex outside of marriage, and pornography. In fact, the Greek word for fornication is the root word for PORNOGRAPHY.
2. Adultery. I put this separate from fornication to emphasize that adultery is not just physical but can be mental or emotional. For example, in Matthew 5:28, Jesus said that whoever “looks” at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery in his heart. It is not admiring a beautiful woman but it is an extended gazing with desire, affection, and longing. EMOTIONAL AFFAIRS ARE ADULTERY. Fornication also fits in this warning from the Lord.
3. Homosexuality. I would say that this goes without saying, but in today’s culture many Christians are ignoring the clear will of God as written in the Scriptures concerning homosexuality. Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed because of it. Enough said.
4. Impurity. This is to lose virginity or live a pagan lifestyle.
5. Orgies. I don’t think anything else needs to be said about that. Lol.
6. Prostitution. This, of course, falls in the line with fornication, possibly adultery, and impurity. A little known fact is that PROSTITUTION BEGAN AS A FORM OF WORSHIP FOR PAGAN GODS. It has been tied to pagan worship for centuries. In most countries, it is no longer the case, but its root can still be seen in that it is a worship of sexual activity. An idol is anything put before God. If you cannot control your sexual desires, you are worshiping the creature instead of the Creator.
7. Lustful passion. This is NOT referring to the powerful God-given desire a husband and wife have for one another. It is desire for someone other than your spouse as discussed under adultery.
8. Sodomy. This is NOT ORAL SEX. It is men lying with men. The English word means “unnatural sexual intercourse (man with man, man with beast, etc.).”
9. Obscenity and course jokes. This is not referring to sexual humor or sexual talk between husband and wife.
10. Incest. This includes child molestation as well.

Three Questions to Ask

Years ago, I listened to a wonderful teaching series called, “Intimate Issues,” in which the two women gave three questions to ask before any sexual act.

1. Is it forbidden in Scripture?
2. Is it beneficial? In 1 Corinthians 6:12 Paul stated that all things are lawful but not all things are beneficial. We are to prefer one another. The greatest benefit of sex is bringing pleasure to your spouse but not by sacrificing your values to please your spouse. What I find is that women are either so sexually bound that the only thing ALLOWED is the MISSIONARY POSITION with no enjoyment and God forbid an orgasm. Or women are so bound in trying to please their man that they subject themselves to forbidden things like pornography, threesomes, and even prostitution. Yes, I am referring to CHRISTIAN women. I have counseled some of them.
3. Does it involve anyone else? This “someone else” can be mentally or physically “present” or in the form of video, paper, audio, or any other form. Sex in marriage is between you and your husband. NO ONE ELSE IS ALLOWED.

What about Oral Sex or Sex Toys?

I will write an article on oral sex soon based on the Scriptures to “put to bed” (pun intended) that question. As far as sex toys, let’s filter it through the three questions.

1. Is it forbidden in Scripture? Not unless you use it for any acts of sodomy.
2. Is it beneficial? Oh, yes, it sure can be.
3. Does it involve someone else? Nope.

If the example of sex toys violates your conscience, then I suggest seeking God in prayer and asking Him to reveal why. If anything makes you feel dirty, it is either your conscience telling you it is wrong (even if it isn’t forbidden in Scripture), a past experience associated with that act, doctrine and mindsets, or embarrassment. My suggestion is don’t sour your taste for sexual intimacy by doing anything that makes you feel bad or uncomfortable. I do suggest, however, to take it to prayer, ask Holy Spirit to reveal what is going on, and have communication with your spouse. Sex is such an intimate act that only you, your husband, and God can answer those questions.