The Science Behind Eye Contact

Eye contact before and during sex can be very arousing. There is nothing like seeing your husband experience pleasure. Science confirms this experience not just during sex but that eye contact promotes feelings of love and closeness. The Bible calls your eyes the “windows of your soul,” and there is something about eye contact with your spouse that feels as if only you and he are in the room.

Scientific Facts About Eye Contact

  • When you look at your spouse in the eyes, a chemical called phenylethylamine is released, which is chemical that makes the person feel “in love.”
  • Eye contact during sex is very bonding. It demonstrates “the presence” of you and your spouse. I.e. you are in the moment totally devoted and aware of your spouse. It promotes intimacy. Even so, for many prolonged eye contact can be uncomfortable and make many feel too vulnerable. Also, for some keeping your eyes open can distract from orgasm.
  • Men are least likely to maintain eye contact with individuals thanks to testosterone. Testosterone tells the brain to make less eye contact with women because it can increase levels of arousal.

Focusing on the left eye is linked with the emotional center of your brain. The right eye is linked with your thinking region. Women, in particular, are good at this because they are more emotionally connected than men. Monitor yourself to find out which eye you focus on during conversation.

  • Open gazing at your spouse communicates to him that you view him with positive regard and with acceptance. It is also an invitation for interaction, especially sexual interaction.
  • Gazing for long duration means that your personal relationship is more important than what you are communicating.
  • Pupil dilation is very attractive to both sexes. Sexual
    excitement causes dilation and communicates you are aroused. What is amazing is that neither party is aware this is being communicated! In one study, men found women with dilated eyes is 60-80% more beautiful but thought it was their skin, hair, lips or facial shape!
  • In 1998 Art Aron, a psychologist, brought dozens of men and women who had never met before together to gaze in each other’s eyes for two minutes. An overwhelmingly majority felt “extremely attracted to their test partner.”
  • Chris Fith, an English scientist, did a study in 2001 to scan brain activity during eye contact. He discovered that the brain releases dopamine, the pleasure hormone, during the eye contact.
  • A Harvard psychologist, Zick Ruben, did a famous experiment in 1970. He created a “love scale” of couples who had been married for several years based on how intense and loving their relationship had been. After scoring them, he monitored the couples eye movements using cameras. He found that the “deeply in love” couples looked at each other 75% of the time while talking.

Start Small and Communicate

If neither you nor your spouse make much eye contact in every day life, more than likely you will not be comfortable making eye contact during sex. Here are some suggestions:

  1. Communicate with your spouse what you have learned about eye contact. If he agrees, ask if you can “practice” as a couple. Purposefully, make eye contact frequently during conversations. Stare into each others’ eyes for 30 seconds without talking, then 1 minute, then 2 minutes.
  2. As you gaze at each other, what emotions are evoked. Closeness? Arousal? Joy? Uncomfortable? Anxiety?
  3. Ask your partner if open eyes is a distraction for him while achieving orgasm or communicate if that is a distraction for you. If so, let him gaze at you during your orgasm and you gaze at him during his orgasm.
  4. Build an atmosphere of trust and honor. I firmly believe in being my husband’s safe place. He should feel safest with me and feel comfortable being vulnerable. If he doesn’t, then I must ask myself if I am treating him with honor and love. Respect is your husband’s love language. If he feels dismissed or belittled, you will not be a safe place for him.

Summary

God designed your eyes to evoke arousal with you and your spouse. Listen to these verses from Song of Solomon’s.

Song of Songs 1:15 (NKJV) 
15  THE BELOVED Behold, you are fair, my love! Behold, you are fair! You have dove’s eyes.
Song of Songs 4:9 (NKJV) 
9  You have ravished my heart, My sister, my spouse; You have ravished my heart With one look of your eyes, With one link of your necklace. 
Song of Songs 5:12 (NKJV) 
12  His eyes are like doves By the rivers of waters, Washed with milk, And fitly set.
Destination Church