Let's Discuss...Positions
In the next several posts, I want to discuss some sensitive topics. It’s stuff that needs to be discussed because women tend to suffer quietly when it comes to fear of being boring in bed and an inability to orgasm. In the next two posts, we are going to discuss sexual positions. And after that, we will explore the science behind orgasms.
Now before you start getting nervous that I’m going to suggest positions that require pretzel-like moves or odd contraptions like sex swings, be assured that is not the case! With the crazy clutziness that runs in my family, there is no way! I remember my grandfather telling me about his nephew that didn’t show up for breakfast one morning. He went looking for him and found him stuck upside down by his spur on the fence unable to get himself loose! No way will I be experimenting with anything that can be dangerous!
The Truth about Positions
Here is the truth ladies: Our culture comes up with ridiculous, unnatural positions or methods to try to make things exciting and illicit some kind of new pleasure. You know what makes your bedroom hot? Your relationship with your man OUTSIDE of the bedroom. The sharing of life history, secrets, dreams, and goals along with genuine friendship and spiritual connection is what makes sex great. As Dr. Kevin Leman says, “Sex is about the quality of your entire love life, not the intricate alignment of your bodies.
Even so, the alignment of bodies is important. A man reaches orgasm with about 15-30 seconds of intense thrusting. A woman needs consistent clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. There are only certain ways to do that and most of them don’t require swings.
Man on Top Position
This is the classic missionary position with the woman on her back and the man on top. It is the most common and quite pleasurable. You are face-to-face enabling eye contact (which drives him crazy) and deep thrusting of your man. However, for you it might not be the best stimulation of the clitoris. You can make adjustments though. Place 1-2 pillows underneath your lower back to tilt your pelvis upwards for clitoral stimulation. Another effective way to stimulate the clitoris is to have your husband be partially inserted and instead of thrusting, rock and roll as you tilt your pelvis up during the downstroke. A downside can be the weight of your husband on you, but he can position himself barring back and knee problems so that his weight is not pressing down on you uncomfortably.
Variations:
- Lift your knees for deeper penetration.
- Put your legs over your husband’s shoulders.
- You can have your husband put one leg outside of your leg and the other inside. Both of his legs outside works great, too.
- Your husband can also kneel between your legs while draping his thighs over your legs. He keeps his back straight and you position your pelvis the best angle to stimulate the clitoris.
- You can also grab your husband’s hips or buttocks and rock his hips exactly like you want. Most men love when the wife takes initiative. You can control the speed, direction, timing, and depth of his thrusts. Remember that the faster and deeper the thrusts, the more likely he is to climax.
Woman on Top
This is a great position. Most husbands tend to love this one because of the wonderful view, eye contact, and the wife taking control and being aggressive. For some women, the idea of the “view” your husband gets makes you nervous. I suggest you read "How Your Husband Truly Views Your Body." To withhold the pleasure your husband receives from viewing your body due to body image issues is something that must be dealt with in prayer and the Word. Allow your husband to assure you of how he sees you and BELIEVE him! Another great thing about this position is your enthusiastic participation and enjoyment is the most THRILLING PART FOR YOUR MAN. This position is great if your husband has back and knee problems.
To stimulate the clitoris, you can lean forward and down bringing your legs in tight. Another great clitoris stimulation is to bring your legs in together inside his legs while thrusting. You can also sit up on top of him and lean back on his knees (if his legs are drawn up). This is great eye candy for your man evoking an erotic pleasure (that’s legal in marriage) and your hands are free to explore other areas.
Variations:
- You can face away from your husband looking at his feet. Some husbands love this view. You might be self-conscious at first. Realize, though, that not seeing him can effect how connected you feel in bed. This is more a temporary change-up during intercourse to please him and evoke erotic sensations for both of you.
- Have your husband recline against the headboard and you on top with your knees up and feet on each side of his hips. It’s a very stimulating position for both. He can also lift his knees so you have something to lean against.
Recently, a wonderful lady shared that missionary was just fine with her. She didn’t need any crazy stuff. Not always, but often I see this in women that have had bad past experiences with sex that resulted in shame like molestation, premarital sex, or pornography. I encourage you to find pleasure in other positions for your husband’s sake and yours as past experiences are healed with the Word and your husband’s love!